Escape

I wake up before my alarm today, my mind already churning as I plan out the next couple of hours of my day. I'm excited to run today. Or at least my mind is energized. My body is still a little stiff and sleepy from the night's rest it's trying to emerge from. After coffee, face washing, teeth brushing, and contact lenses, I slip my iPod on my arm and grab Kingsley's leash as I head out the door to greet the morning. Kingsley eyes me expectantly from the deck and comes bounding for the gate as soon as he realizes we're heading out on a run. I click the leash onto his collar, turn on my iPod, and we're off. Kingsley and I start off slow, letting my body warm up. The first five minutes are always the hardest. I know this now...something I have not always known. I used to dread morning runs. My body was always so sluggish at that hour. But I've learned...yes, learned, that with a little coaxing, my muscles will wake up and come to life.

Today is a great morning. Cool, or I should say cooler, than it's been in weeks. North Carolina summers don't know what cool is, not even in the wee hours of the morning after a nights reprieve from the sun's rays. Kingsley and I make our usual loop around the neighborhood before I drop him off at home and continue on my own. This morning in particular is peaceful, quiet, calm. I'm out earlier than usual...that 20 minutes makes a difference. I head toward State's campus and burrow into my usual route. Running on campus reminds me of home...the good parts of Bozeman...I always had my runs to keep me grounded. So many trees here though...I feel buried beneath all of them. I miss trodding up the side of Pete's Hill or the face of the M to see the entire valley splayed in front of me. Not here...the trees are like a net...sometimes offering comfort and security, while other times inspiring the animal-like urge to rip through the netting and claw your way to the top...escape.

But actually, I don't really notice the trees today. My mind bounces between planning out the rest of my day and replaying scenes from yesterday. Sometimes I smile, even laugh out loud, when warm memories come to the surface. Other times I shake my head, wonder, wtf, and want to scream or punch someone as I replay a memory I know I should let be. I don't let things be, though. I'm trying to get better at this. I suppose I should be present during my run...that's what Oprah and all the psychologists of today would say, right? I am present for the audiobook playing on my iPod, but don't really want to be present for some of the pain my body is sludging through as I run. That's the joy of running for me...it let's me escape to my own little world. And it's an escape that I earn...I don't have to feel guilty for it. I'm exercising my body and my mind gets to wander. This is probably the closest I am during my waking hours to the dream world I enter at night. Sometimes my dreams really are better than reality. This bothers me, but it's true.

Pretty soon, I'm staring up into the sun and I realize I'm already on the home stretch...more than halfway through my run. I see the sun today...not just glimpse it, but actually see it. It's already quite high above the hoizon...seems too early to be so high, like I've already missed out on so much of the morning without even knowing it. But then, back into the trees. Most days I rejoice in the shade those towering trees offer, but today it's not that hot and the sun is still a pleasure at this early hour, not yet a menace making each step more sweaty than the last.

My muscles are tired today. I remind myself I need to take a rest day...I always feel better after I do. But as I write this, I am already anticipating tomorrow's run and don't want to skip the peace and calm the early morning hours offer me. Morning is my favorite time...or I should say, morning is my favorite alone time. I don't want anyone around in the morning...just me. And mornings are still pregnant with the buzz and anticipation of what lies ahead as the day unfolds, minute by minute, hour by hour.

And then I'm home...Kingsley waits for me at the top of the stairs and I smile. I did it. And now, let the day unfold...elegantly, I hope.

-Elise